As some of my followers may know. I have a drag identity and tomorrow will be the last time I will be in public in drag (and no I don’t dress up privately -_-). I feel like I’m losing a part of me, a part that’s uninhibited, free, and strong.
I am not going to be continuing drag after college; hell, the only reason why I did it in the first place was for a cash prize, and after that, it was because of fund raising for a LGBTQ fund. I came for the money, but I stayed for the benefit of others.
Naturally, I’m also a stripper when I’m in drag. ahha. it’s always been something fun that I did. Getting down to a thong and bra.
BTW, guys, if you’re reading this, MAKE UP IS A BITCH AND SO IS GETTING ALL NICE PRIM AND PROPER. That business is NOT easy to control.
But with all seriousness, Firefly was a form of expression that I don’t get to exude. Full force. I get to do whatever I want. I fear that because this will be the last of the performances I will be limited in scope of expression… iono i’m just ranting.. sorry
So the premise is that I’m doing devotionals with a friend of mine. The first week (we do devotionals, or mini bible studies weekly). Before I go any further, I identify as an atheist and am personally doing these devotionals because I want to learn more from a specific religion/culture. I may find a bit of myself in religion.
First week, we talked about fear, the second about acknowledgment, and the third about fighting a good fight. Also, my devotional partner has given me weekly (continuing) assignments. One was to not be fearful, but when I am fearful think about god (naturally, when I am fearful, I look towards myself in calming.. I still do not resort to god, but respect people that do. The second assignment was to NOT CURSE.
I have cursed 15 times in one week… I counted and said that I will try harder.
These are fun challenges but the cursing one really stuck out to me. I don’t mean it in a bad way, but I really looked at it from an objective point of view. I questioned,
"What is a bad word? What makes a word bad?"
it was in this instance that I knew, there is no such thing as a bad word, nor is there a good word. “A rose by any other name…”
We, as a society, make up words that are seemingly bad, but really have no value until someone uses it in a specific context that may be implied as bad.
One such context is, my father and I were driving back home and he said to me “I haven’t taken a shit in two days”. It was in this instance that I realized he knew no other words for defecation. Do I swear to make him understand me, or do I hold my tongue because I know it’s a swear word?
Which brings me to the next point, who says a word is bad or good? Certainly, isn’t that a tyrant/dictator of words? Who are they to say that “fuck” is not a beautiful a word as “gold”. Again, it’s all context.
Another example is when the friend that I do devotional with said “tit”. Now I may not have any offense with it, but it may be a curse word for someone else. Am I going to impress onto them that I do not think it’s a bad word, therefore NOT a bad word? Have I not become the oppressor?
In the end, these “bad” words are a part of my vocabulary, and I have truly missed them. I really enjoy doing these devotionals because they push me and question human qualities into a more moral life.
I’ve grown really close to Sinia this past year, and coming from that fact that I used to not like her/didn’t understand where she was coming from is a great change.
She always has a great temperament whenever I see her and it make me happy to be working with her. She is always down for some shenanigans ;) and we are always on that wavelength where we get each other is coming from. (that sounded hella awwkard)
This picture was taken at this year’s Western Regional Conference. <3 you Sinia
This is the grad student that I have been doing research under. He did his PhD in microevolution. My job was to maintain plants, squish up aphids, and replicate DNA. 2.5 years of having talks to him and I finally got to see him defend his dissertation during one of my finals (which i finished early).
I’m proud of you mart, you did well. You will always be a mentor of mine.
It’s my camera charger. I looked for this thing for about 5 weeks (at home and at my apartment). I got so pissed off that i researched it on amazon and bought it… This was approximately at 4am. I took a shower.. then after the shower, I decided to look for it in the one last time in a place that i’ve for sure checked 5 times. -_-. well at about 4:25am i found the little bugger and i was pissed and alarmed.
I had spent money on something that i dont need after all.
i quickliy hopped on amazon.com to cancel the order. I encountered “your order had been ordered, you can no longer modify or cancel your order”. EFFFFFFF
So I contacted amazon’s help website… they have a chat system (they were really nice) but they just suggested that i contacted the seller. So i emailed them, but being me, i want faster results, so i got their number. I even had is saved on my lappy.
I put my alarm so that I can wake up early to call them to cancel my purchase.
My late ass wouldn’t wake up til 11am… I checked my email and there was a little gem that said that my purchase had been cancelled <3 fin.
VINCENT-You have difficulty getting emotionally close to others. You believe in live and let live. You are future oriented. You are relatively demonstrative in your affections. You enjoy being stroked verbally and physically. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You are clever, inventive, imaginative and youthful. You enjoy socializing. You can be quite inventive and quite curious. You must learn to give ‘wise’ service and not be a martyr. Your privacy is important to you. You have a rich inner life. VIEN-You can be quite inventive and quite curious. Your use of reason and logic is strong. You enjoy communicating. You can handle details well. You have a methodical mind. You can go to extremes in all you do.
LA-You are fair-minded sometimes to the point of being opinionated. You have a strong need to be loved and appreciated.
um…. I’m gay too. I’m not going to unfollow someone just because they are. You have issues that you need to get over, perhaps you’re gay inside and you’re afraid to admit it. In that case, I’m always here to talk it out.
One of my really close friends and co-worker’s mother that is diagnosed with a certain cancer, I believe Pancreatic (one of the worst kinds out there). There was an email at work today saying that there were dire family emergencies in his family and my regards were went immediately out to him.
Later on in the day, while me and my mother own mother were eating dinner. I told her about this specific individual and went onto the topic of our lives and how short they can potentially be. I thought about this for a while and how my mother has planned out her life and how she planned to keep me safe even when she has passed.
Thinking about her leaving me her house, her bank accounts; but pulling it all back, the struggles that she had been through to make a better life for me and for us. Escaping from a war and building a life from nothing. Meeting her first love, and being cheated by the same man that was my father. Leaving him to have a better and stronger life. She worked extra hours at a job she hated all the more to see me more when I grew up.
In that moment of recalling all that she’s done for me, I wept at the dinner table…
I let it all out, all the sadness of hearing all of her stories…
all the happy tears whenever she got to see me when I was younger..
all the frustrated tears growing up under a single parent household..
and all the memorable tears that has carved themselves in the years together..
My mother and I held each other what seemed like several minutes, both of us crying..
Sorry it’s been a while before I answered this, but I want to let you know that I have been thinking about this for a couple days and it is very important to me. I would just like to comment before I give a response; I believe that sex is a natural biological release, you really can’t deny it. BUT it’s what you and your partner put into it that can potentially make it special. It has the potential of being something intimate between two people. Your partner sees it simply has an orgasm, while you see it as an emotional investment as well.
As well as the chaste comments go, there are a lot of different forms of relationships. Some straight people are swingers. To limit it to just straight people is too limiting, but alternative/non mainstream relationships are swingers, three-way relationships, open relationships, etc. I again want to stress here that it depends on the decision of the persons in the relationship. In your case, the sexual activity depends on the two people. I too have been cheated on and understand where that puts you emotionally. I also believe in what you believe, that sex almost always has an emotional component and i highly treasure that. There may be a separate rant on the superficiality of emotions in the modern gay community later if warranted.
Lastly, I am happy that commitment, respect, and communication are important in your relationship, a lot of relationships don’t. Here is my response: If it bugs really you, talk to your partner about it, honor your quality of an open communication and make it known that it bugs you. You partner may really may be moved my your opinions and agree with you after some time. Lastly, we have all been hurt, some to a worse extent than others. I can definitely see where your paranoia can occur. But you have to remember that this is a new relationship and not the same person from the past- the one that cheated on you. Just because he doesn’t regard sex with an emotional component doesn’t mean he’s willing to search for it from other people. Just because it’s not the positive, does not necessarily mean it’s the negative.
I hope this helps anon. I’m sorry I couldn’t help more. I do care for you though, even though I don’t have a face to you.